If You Could Hie To Kolob, Utah

Yesterday, Cameron had the day off work and school (UEA Weekend) so we decided we'd take a trip up to Kolob and have a nice little family picnic. I had never been up there and he'd been dying to show me the pretty views- plus the fall colors.

We had planned to leave at 10am, but the night before Mack started his usual routine of crying around 11pm. I asked Cam if he would just give him a bottle and feed him so I could get some rest (I had only slept a few hours the night before) he obliged...and ending up feeding and taking care of Mack until 4am. When he came in the room I asked if Mack had slept and he said he slept a little but Cameron was too scared to put him down when he did fall asleep, worried he would wake up, so Cam hadn't slept at all! Needless to say, 10am didn't happen. We woke up a little later, due to Mack's basically all nighter, and left around 1:30.

By some grand miracle, Mack ended up sleeping most of the way up to Kolob (it's about a 2 hour drive). We stopped at one place on our way up to the reservoir to see the pretty views and give Mack a break. Then we continued to the lake and set up our little picnic area. It was a little chilly and Mack was pretty grumpy the whole time- and Cam said, "Maybe we should've left him with someone, this isn't as romantic as I thought it would be..." I just laughed because I thought- this is going to be our reality for the next....long time. So, we ate our delicious lunch- Cameron even surprised me and picked up my favorite drink- Green Apple Jones Soda- and after a little while we decided to head back down the mountain and take some pictures of all the flora and fauna. As we left the reservoir there were a ton of random cows just roaming on the side of the road, and so like the mature adults that we are, Cam rolled down the window and we started mooing at the cows. Haha, Mack started screaming bloody murder! It was so hilarious. Apparently our cow-mooing skills weren't the greatest.

We made a few stops down the mountain and each time we'd stop to take pictures, Mack was quite the unhappy camper. But, I'll let the pictures tell you the rest of the story:

I love this cute man!

Here's our close up family pic

Trying to calm my sweet baby boy

Honestly, it was such a fun trip! It was so nice to get out of the house and into some fresh air. It's crazy to me that this is just outside of St. George. I love living here! There's so much beauty all around us! I can't believe I had never been here before. I told Cameron I need to get out more, and he agreed.

Mack: 1 Month Old!

Mack is finally asleep and I figured I better take advantage of the free hands and peace and quiet to update this dang blog. Although I want to take a nap like the sleep deprived mother that I am, I know I'll kick myself if I don't keep on blogging (or journaling as I like to think of it).

Really, this blog will be short. I just wanted to upload the pic I took of Mack when he was really 1 Month and 1 Week old.

So far, this poor kid still cries his lungs out any chance he can get. It makes me so sad because I feel so completely helpless. If he's not sleeping/eating, he's crying. It's horrible! I'm hoping he grows out of this sooner rather than later, because I don't know how much longer I can stand to see his cute little fists curled up tight from the pain he is in.

Please enjoy pics from over the last month:

Little chunk!

Here are pics from Mack's First Bath (when he was about 2 weeks old):

Pics from when Uncle Brandon and Aunt Mandy came to visit: 

And a recent pic from a walk we took around the temple: 

I sure do love this cute nubbin' of mine! Can't wait to see how he grows in the next month.

Confessions of a New Mom...

I just need to take a second to share my thoughts as of late (warning: these thoughts may be over exaggerated or just plain stupid because I am a hormonal mess)

Becoming a new mom is the most wonderful, exhausting, draining, overwhelming, exciting, did I say exhausting- experience ever. It's not quite what I thought it would be. Let me explain:

You see, everyone talks about having your first baby as something so emotional and so great, and that you can't imagine your life without them from that point on- but I don't know that I've felt that yet. And I feel HORRIBLE for admitting that. Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with Mack and would give him the world, but there are some nights when I think, why? Why am I doing this? I am so beyond tired, I would give anything to just go back to my simple life of working full time. And then the guilt sinks in that I must be an awful mother for feeling that way.

But, I'm starting to realize, that just like any new challenge or change we go through, it's not easy, and those feelings of unconditional love, and "I wouldn't change this for the world" feeling take time. Not that I regret having this sweet, precious, little bundle of joy- because I don't- but I have been so hard on myself for not feeling constant and utter complete bliss that people make it out to be like. There are moments when I feel complete happiness, and other moments where I feel sorry for myself. Becoming a new mom is hard, it's a huge adjustment, because unlike a lot of other changes, there is no going back- I will never not be a mom ever again, for eternity.

However, in light of these depressing feelings that surely come from lack of sleep, being a mom is one of the most beautiful challenges I feel we can ever experience. It's so humbling. You realize 20,000 times more what a selfish person you are and how much you need to grow and change. I'm no longer on my schedule anymore. My life is totally devoted to this little human being who is 100% reliant upon me to survive. And you know what, I'm ok with that because I know that if it isn't hard, I'm not growing. No good person has gone without trials. I have always been a big supporter of doing hard things, and this is just one more hard thing I've added to my list.

I'm sure I'll look back at this blog and think how silly I sounded, but that's alright. What I'm feeling right now is real, but it's also temporary. I know, just like with any other new thing, being a mom will just become second nature and I really won't be able to imagine my life without my sweet little Mack. And how do I know this- because this is how it goes with any new change in life.

So, cheers to doing hard things because my greatest happiness in life will come from these moments.